What Would I Do Without You?
by Kittycatkyla
Summary: Shizuo x Izaya. Shounei-ai. Short -After an accident during one of Izaya and Shizuo's usual fights, Izaya ends up in the hospital with nothing to do but wait for death-
1. Chapter 1

"IZAYA!"

A loud bang followed the word and maniacal laughter followed soon after, as well.

Izaya ducked as a street lamp went whizzing by his head. In retort, Izaya threw three knives at the blond who came charging at him.

Shizuo dodged two of them and caught the third in between his teeth. With a growl, he swung a stop sign at Izaya's head like a bat, intent on lopping it off.

Izaya ducked once again and rushed forward. He drew a knife through Shizuo's side. Though he was intent on drawing blood, all he could do was tear the fabric of his vest and white undershirt.

Shizuo moved away. "You—"

Izaya grinned. Then turned and ran.

"Get back here!"

Shizuo gave chase.

Izaya grinned as Shizuo followed him.

'_**So simple-minded.' **_Izaya thought.

A stop sign went whizzing by Izaya's head.

'_**He can't aim either.'**_

"IZAYA!"

BAM!

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

Celty's tries screeched to a stop as a hunk of earth flung into her path. Shinra banged his head against the dullahan's shoulder blades but she didn't notice. Izaya leaped on top of the pile of road, then pushed off and grabbed onto the ledge of a small building. He pulled himself up then sat on the edge, squatting, looking over his shoulder at Shizuo with a smug grin.

Shizuo threw a stop light at him. Izaya leaped out of the way and landed on the stop light as it imbedded into the building then slowly tilted over. The stop light created a bridge from one building to the other and the flea walked across it with that smug grin still on his face.

Celty reached for Shizuo but he ran by without even noticing.

Izaya slid down a lamp pole with a cocky calmness then hopped off the base onto the ground.

Shizuo came around the corner, a glare of hate fueling his eyes, a guardrail clamped in his hand.

"I~za~ya~."

Izaya chuckled. "Neh, neh, Shizu-chan, do you enjoy our little banters?"

"Like hell!" Shizuo charged.

Izaya grinned. Shizuo raised the guard rail over his head. With a yell of rage, he brought it down towards the flea.

Izaya took a step to the left. The guard rail indented into the ground.

Izaya slashed his blade at Shizuo's face. A thin line of blood marred his cheek.

Shizuo automatically lashed out with a fist at the flea. Izaya dodged once again.

"Stop moving, you damn flea!" Shizuo lashed his fist at Izaya continuously, aiming to bruise the raven.

Izaya back-stepped as he dodged the blows with ease, his hands tucked in his pockets, a grin still on his face.

"I can't do that, Shizu-chan. If you hit me, I'll most-likely die."

"Good! Die already!"

As Izaya back-stepped into the middle of the street, a crowd of people had began to form on one end. Celty stood next to Shinra, Mikado, Anri, and Kida.

Shizuo's fist indented into the ground. Izaya's blade flashed out from his hip and flung Shizuo's sun glasses into the air.

Shizuo instinctively backed away as Izaya held his blade out at the blond.

"Do you really mean that?" Izaya asked, that grin still on his face.

"Hah?!"

Izaya chuckled and brought the blade to his chest. He played with the sharpened tip with his index and thumb.

"Just out of curiosity, Shizu-chan, what would you do without me in your life?"

"HAH?!"

"It's a simple question." Izaya brought his hands to his shoulders in a shrug. "If I wasn't in your life, what would you do? Live an apple pie life with a white picket fence and a petite wife who held the next generation of your monstrous genes? Would a monster like you really be good with that kind of life?"

Shizuo was silent, glaring at Izaya.

'_**What would I do without you, huh?'**_

"Heiwajima Shizuo!"

Izaya's smile faded as he looked past Shizuo with a look of distaste. Shizuo turned around with a glare.

A man in a trench coat with a black beanie hat, ragged black hair, and blood-shot baggy eyes stood a few feet behind Shizuo. He held out a stun gun in his shaky hands, the weapon pointed at Shizuo.

"Who the hell are you?" Shizuo snarled as he turned around.

"Y-You and Tom Tanaka—you drove me to ruin. You…"

"Hah? Drove to ruin? Not my fault you can't pay what you owe."

"You drove me to ruin." His hands began to shake horrifically now. "You destroyed me."

Izaya eyed the man curiously. In any other case, he would have run or attacked Shizuo as soon as his attention was drawn away. But he was curious as to what this man wanted and what he would do. So, he stood silently, the crowd looking on the scene with just as curious eyes, watching the man with intent gazes.

Shizuo growled and began stalking over to the man. "You mean to tell me that because you couldn't pay your debt, it's my fault. That I should _pay_ for taking what you owe us."

"Stay-stay back." The man tensed, his eyes widened, and he took a few steps back.

"Please explain to me." Shizuo charged. "HOW YOUR LAZINESS IS MY FAULT?!"

The man screamed and closed his eyes in fear as he pulled the trigger.

Shizuo froze when the stun gun 'bullets' left the weapon.

But they never touched Shizuo. The man's shaking hands threw off the aim of the intended target and instead flew by Shizuo.

And attached to Izaya.

Automatically, Izaya's eyes widened and all his muscles tightened as electricity shot through his body. He felt immense pain but he couldn't open his mouth to scream.

Shizuo looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened as the raven fell to the ground.

The man opened his eyes and they widened in shock.

"Eh? Ah," he stuttered.

"Izaya!" Shinra yelled as he ran towards the raven.

The doctor stooped and checked the raven's pulse then shook him.

"Izaya, wake up!" Shinra shook him again. When the raven didn't stir, he looked at the man. "How many volts is that?!"

"Uh, um…a-a hundred thousand volts…"

Shinra's eyes widened.

"I-I—"

Shizuo turned around and the utter rage that filled his face made chills of fear trail down the man's spine.

Shizuo charged.

Shinra hoisted Izaya and wrapped one arm around his waist while the other draped the raven's arm over his neck.

Mikado ran over to help Shinra as Celty rushed over to Shizuo and wrapped her arm around Shizuo's striking first. Shizuo had the man pinned to the ground, holding him down by a fist that held his shirt while he had been brutally pummeling the man until Celty grabbed his arm.

"Let go—" he snarled.

Celty shoved her phone toward Shizuo's face. _:If you keep that up, you'll kill him.:_

Shizuo was barely able to comprehend in his anger-filled mind.

He released the man as Shinra called to Celty. Celty called to her horse by raising her hand. The bike came down the opened road and drove up to the dullahan. The Black Bike mounted her vehicle while Shinra put Izaya in the side car, then hopped on behind Celty.

They drove off as cop sirens rang in the distance and quickly approached.

* * *

Izaya opened his eyes a slit to see a white roof, darkened due to the lights being off and it being night. The only light was from the opened door.

Izaya automatically knew that he was in a hospital. The beating heart monitor and the respiratory mask over his mouth and nose were a dead give-away. But he didn't remember walking here. If fact, he didn't remember anything after he got shot by that stun gun. Pain over took him instantly after the 'bullets' touched him but after two seconds, he went black. He didn't even remember hitting the ground though he had felt his legs give away.

He heard a heated discussion in the hallway. He didn't feel like moving his head so he just glanced over. He recognized Shinra's voice automatically but he couldn't make out the words.

'_**Ah, so Shinra and Celty brought me here.'**_

Moments later, the two came in. Shinra had a sour expression as he headed to the raven, then he saw Izaya's eyes were opened and the expression vanished into one of pity.

"What's going on, Shinra?" Izaya said through a weak grin. "You look upset. You know if you furrow your brow for a long time, you'll get wrinkles quicker."

Shinra's expression only deepened in misery. He turned away as his eyes became glassy.

"I can't tell him."

He exited.

"Tell me what?" Izaya's smile faded as his eyes narrowed.

He sat up and looked at Celty.

Celty fidgeted then walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She typed up a message.

"_Izaya…do you remember what happened?:_

"Of course, I didn't hit my head. Or maybe I did, I don't remember if I hit the ground or not, heh heh." Izaya rubbed his head with a 'cute' grin on his lips.

Celty stared at him then typed up another message.

"_You were electrocuted with 100,000 volts.:_

"My, that's quite a bit."

_:…Izaya, the doctors have done all they could. They…can't do anymore…I'm sorry…:_

"Ehh?" Izaya grinned a little as fear gripped his heart. Celty could see the fear in his reddish-brown eyes. "I don't get the joke, Celty."

Izaya understood. He understood all too well what those words meant but denial still held him tightly. He didn't want to believe it.

Celty looked down. Then typed up. _:It's no joke, Izaya. The electrocution damaged your internal organs badly and also caused an extremely severe heart attack so your heart…a transplant wouldn't do any good but prolong the inevitable for maybe another month or so.:_

Izaya's hands clenched the blankets. He looked at his fists, at the needle stabbed into the back of them, then looked up at Celty as he stoned himself to the best of his capabilities.

"Give it to me straight, Celty. What's happening to me?"

Celty stared at him, then typed up the message and looked away.

_:You're dying.:_


	2. Chapter 2

A month had passed since that incident with Izaya.

Shizuo was cleared of all charges for beating the man half to death, it being denounced to self-defense while the man was arrested with attempt of murder and uncertified possession of a weapon.

During that time, Shizuo hadn't seen a lick of Izaya. He guessed that the flea got scared of coming to Ikebukuro because of his near death experience and was going to stay in Shinjuku from now on. After all, he hadn't even smelt that repulsive scent of his so he couldn't have been in Ikebukuro.

"Yo, Shizuo."

Shizuo turned. "Tom-san."

"Busy day today. Let's go."

"Hai."

* * *

"Hello, Izaya. How are you?" Shinra said.

"All things considered…" Izaya said with a smile.

Shinra smiled gently as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I brought you a treat~." Shinra sat a box with red wrapping on Izaya's lap.

"Oh, Shinra you spoil me."

Izaya unwrapped the box and took out a piece of fatty tuna. He smiled happily.

"Itadakimasu." He smiled happily.

"You're such a child."

"I try."

Shinra smiled.

"How's Shizu-chan been doing?" Izaya asked.

Shinra looked at him. **_'_****_Again, he asks about Shizuo.' _**"He's no different than he was last week. Calm and collected."

"Has he met anyone?"

"Anyone?"

"Like a girl? Is he still single?"

"I think so."

"Hmm."

**_'_****_Why do you always ask about Shizuo?' _**Shinra wondered.

Izaya licked his fingers and smiled.

"Is Shizu-chan happy?" Izaya asked as he picked up a juicy looking red apple.

Shinra shrugged. "I think so. He hasn't been throwing that many people."

"I see. So, he's happy, huh?" Izaya looked out the window.

Shinra noted the far away, longing glint in his eyes.

"Ah, Celty's here."

"Eh? Already?" Shinra leaned forward to look out the window.

Izaya smiled. "Same time next week?"

"Should I send her away for another hour?"

"No, no, it's fine. I'll see you again next week."

"You sure? She wouldn't mind."

"I'm sure."

"…Alright…"

Izaya chuckled as Shinra put on his coat.

"Bye, Izaya."

"Bye-bye bee." Izaya waved.

Shinra left.

As soon as the door closed, Izaya's smile faded from one of giddiness to one of sadness. **_'_****_So, Shizu-chan's happy, huh? That's good. He's such a single-minded protozoan, he probably doesn't even know I'm still in the hospital. Of course, Shizu-chan is probably happy _**because **_he knows I'm still in the hospital.' _**A pain resonated in his chest from his own thoughts. But he smiled it away. **_'_****_That's not a bad thing. After all, I hate Shizu-chan so much…'_**

* * *

"Yo, Celty." Shizuo called out.

Celty turned and looked at the blond as he walked up.

"Hello." She typed up. _:What are you doing here?:_

"I'm on lunch." He said. "I heard that there was a new restaurant down here. What are you doing here?"

_:Waiting for Shinra.:_

"Hah? Why would he come here? Run out of gauzes or something? He could always go to the store for that."

_:…No, he came to see Izaya.:_

"Izaya?" Shizuo looked at her. "Why's Izaya here?"

_:…Did you forget? He was electrocuted.:_

"Hah? That was a month ago. He should be better by now."

Celty stared at him. She hesitated before typing up: _:He was electrocutes by 100,000 volts.:_

"And? It's taking longer for him to recover."

_"__No, Shizuo, he's…he's not recovering. He's doing the opposite."_

"Hah?"

Celty fiddled with her phone, not really wanting to repeat such horrid news, even though it seems appropriate considering she was a 'death god'.

_:He's dying, Shizuo.:_

Shizuo's eyes widened.

"Celty!" Shinra called, then paused. "Ah, Shizuo-kun. What are you—"

"You're joking, right?" Shizuo said.

"Eh?" Shinra voiced.

"Izaya—the flea. He can't be dying."

"Eehh? You didn't know? He's always asking about you."

"Hah?" Shizuo looked at him. "Asking?"

"Yeah, that's all he ever asks about. Not 'are my sister's okay', or 'has someone been looking after my house'. He only ever asked about you."

Shizuo's eyes widened even further.

_:…Shizuo?:_ Celty typed up. _:Are you okay?:_

Shizuo didn't answer. Then he turned and headed to the hospital entrance.

"Shizuo?" Shinra started.

Shizuo went into the hospital with Shinra following behind him.

"Shizu—"

"Orihara Izaya." He said to the woman at the front desk. "What room is he in?"

"Eh?"

"I'm a visitor."

"Oh, he's in room 240."

"Thanks." He walked off.

"Shi-Shizuo, what are you doing?" Shinra followed. "You can't fight him."

"I don't plan to. I…I have to see for myself. The flea can't be dying."

"Shizuo…"

Shizuo and Shinra were silent on the elevator ride. Shinra eyes the blond curiously as Shizuo just glared at the ground.

**_'_****_Izaya was electrocuted cuz that man wanted to kill me.' _**Shizuo thought.**_ '_****_Instead of me dying, the flea is? That can't be right. This is just one of Izaya's tricks.'_**

Shizuo went straight to room 240.

A nurse exited the room as he got to it. Her eyes fell on Shizuo with surprise.

"Another visitor? Orihara usually only has one."

Shizuo ignored her and opened the door.

"Sir, he's sleeping right now—"

Shizuo ignored her again as his eyes fell on the sleeping raven, a respiratory mask over his nose and mouth, heart monitor beeping slowly but steadily, chest rising slowly.

Shizuo's eyes narrowed. **_'_****_He looks so frail.'_**

"Shizuo, he's sleeping." Shinra said. "Let's not bother him."

Shizuo was already turning away.

"Shizuo?"

Tucking his hands in his pockets, tilting his head down, he left the hospital without a word.

* * *

Izaya inhaled the smell of cigarettes and a musky odor. It was a scent he had learned to memorize from so many years of observing. His eyes opened a slit, his vision foggy and unfocused.

"Shizu-chan…?"


	3. Chapter 3

A week passed since Shizuo's visit. In that time frame, he thought about visiting when the raven was awake, try to ask how he was. But each time, he wasn't able to due to his inability see the flea looking so frail and weak. Just remembering` it made Shizuo cringe.

He let work distract him as often as possible and when he wasn't at work, he occupied his thoughts with texting Kasuka. He knew he was being a burden to his busy brother but he couldn't help worrying about another frail person that he cared about.

Shizuo took night walks frequently, like tonight. The cool air was soothing.

Shizuo leaned against a guard rail, looking up at the flickering stars. This was one spot in Ikebukuro where the stop lights, lamp poles, and buildings didn't obscure the sky so he had a perfect view of the twinkling stars. He lit a cigarette, taking a drag and just stared up at the stars.

A horse whiney made Shizuo pause. He looked over his shoulder at Celty, who came driving up. She intended to just go straight home, but seeing Shizuo made her pause. She pulled over in front of him.

"Hey, Celty."

_:Hello.:_ She typed up. _:What are you doing here at this time?:_

"It's not that late, is it?"

_:No, not really. I just didn't take you as a night person.:_

"I'm not really. I just…I'm thinking and the night air is nice."

_:I see.:_

A silence stretched between them.

"Hey," Shizuo started. "Have you…been to see Izaya?"

Celty stared at him for a moment.

_:Yeah. I take Shinra there once a week to see him.:_

"…How's he been?"

_:Izaya?:_

"Un."

_:…Not good. The doctors don't think he'll last much longer.:_

Shizuo's eyes widened.

_:He's not in pain or anything.: _Celty continued._:He says he doesn't feel anything.:_

"How long?"

_:?:_

"How much longer…do they think he has?"

_:…A couple days. A week at most.:_

Shizuo's eyes widened more, this time with horror.

**_'_****_A couple days…?!'_**

Celty stared at Shizuo's solemn face. She started to feel awkward now at the silence that stretched between them.

_:You know,:_ she typed, catching Shizuo's attention. _:He really only asks about you. I don't really get why and Shinra hasn't asked but Izaya usually only talks about you.:_

"Why me?"

_:I don't know. But he's always asking if you're happy or not. I think…he thinks you're happy he's dying.:_

Shizuo's eyes widened once again. "Why would he think that?!"

_:Eh? So, you're not?:_

"Of course not! How could I be happy about something like that!"

_:…:_ Celty stared at him then typed up. _:Well, then you should go tell him that. He would't believe me or Shinra. He'd take it as patronizing.:_

Shizuo was silent. **_'_****_See the flea?' _**

Once again, that image of Izaya flashed behind his eyes just like all the other times he thought of visiting him. **_'_****_I don't think I can see him like that again. But…'_**

_:Shizuo?: _Celty typed up.

Shizuo looked at her. **_'_****_He doesn't have long, though. Will he die, thinking that I'm happy he's gone? This shouldn't be about what I want, but what he'd like.'_**

Shizuo's eyes widened and he shook his head.

**_'_****_Why would I care? I should be happy! He's dying! He's going to disappear from my life then I finally can live a normal existence. A peaceful life.'_**

_"__What would you do without me in your life?" _Izaya's words rang in his head.

As those words played through his head, Shizuo stared at the ground and ruffled his hair. He sighed heavily.

_:Shizuo…?:_ Celty typed.

Shizuo let out a growly sigh. He made up his mind.

"Will you…" Shizuo asked, "Give me a lift to the hospital?"

**_'_****_He's actually…?' _**

_:Of course.: _Celty typed.

* * *

Izaya huffed as softly as he could manage, a small layer of sweat coating his skin. He felt hot and heavy, as if electricity residue was heating up his veins then turning them to lead. Yet, he felt no pain, other than the small agony of a fever.

"Hey, visiting hours are over! Sir!" a nurse was yelling.

Izaya opened his eyes to the call, then glanced over as his door opened. He tilted his head as his eyes widened in surprise to see a tall blond in a bartender.

"Sir!" a nurse said as Shizuo walked in.

Shizuo ignored her and sat down in a chair by the bed.

"What are you doing here?" Izaya asked, sitting up.

"Sir, you can't be here!" The nurse yelled.

"It's fine." Izaya said.

"I'm sorry, but it's against hospital policy—"

"It's fine." Izaya repeated. "Be a dear and give us a bit."

"Orihara—"

The nurse stopped her protest when she saw the seriousness in his eyes. And knowing he didn't have that much longer to live, she didn't have the heart to be stern with him. She looked from the blond to the raven then sighed.

"Alright."

She closed the door behind her.

A silence held the two for a long moment then Izaya grinned and said, "So, what brings you here?"

Shizuo didn't answer. He was taking in the raven's frail form. Izaya had always been pale and skinny, but now, the raven's skin was so, so pale, almost ghostly and his cheeks were hollow as if starving. The raven's collar bone that was half revealed between the fold of his hospital gown yukata was extreme defined, looking as if he was even scrawnier than before, as if he had no meat on his bones.

Shizuo scowled at the sight.

"Shizu-chan—"

"How-how have you been, Izaya…?"

"Eh?"

"How've you been?"

Izaya looked at him with a cocked eyebrow. Then he smiled. "Dying. How are you?"

Shizuo remained silent. **_'_****_He still has that shitty attitude.'_**

"Shizu~chan. You're acting weird. Did you hit your head? Or are you drunk—"

"Does it hurt?"

Izaya's eyes narrowed as he stared at him with a glare. "No."

"…Are you…scared?"

Izaya's eyes widened. He began to tremble as his wide eyes narrowed in a glare of hate. "What the hell, Shizu-chan? Did you come here just to ask stupid questions?"

"…Izaya, I…I know you don't have long. And so—"

"Shut up and go die. This has _nothing_ to do with you." Izaya turned his head away.

Shizuo cast him a glare. **_'_****_Nothing to do with me, my ass. I'm the reason you're here.'_**

"Izaya," Shizuo leaned up and put his arms on either side of Izaya. He caught the raven's attention, who glared at him and backed away a bit. Izaya _did not _like that calm, solemn expression of his.

Shizuo embraced him.

Izaya's eyes widened, his heart monitor quickening as his heart fluttered. He blushed when the beeping became more sporadic, not wanting Shizuo to know of his reaction. But if the blond noticed, he didn't mention it.

"I'm…sorry." Shizuo said. "I…I'm not happy,…that you're dying. I…don't know why but I don't…want you to die. I—"

"Don't patronize me." Izaya's eyes narrowed.

"I'm not. I'm telling you the truth. I—"

"Why would you care?! I'm dying! You should be happy! Shouldn't you?!" Izaya tried to push him away.

Shizuo held him tighter. "I'm not. I'm not happy. I don't know why. I _should_ be happy but…the thought of you dying…I don't like it."

Izaya remained silent. Then he chuckled and wrapped an arm around Shizuo's shoulder blade. Shizuo started to tremble from the sweet contact.

"You're such a simple-minded protozoan."

"Shut up, flea."

Izaya chuckled then a silence spread between them. It wasn't awkward or strange. But quiet and soothing. Izaya rubbed his head against Shizuo's shoulder, breathing in the scent he knew oh so well. Shizuo rubbed his face against Izaya's hair. Though it looked greasy and worn, no longer a bright shine like it used to be, it was still soft, almost like a pillow.

The two sat there, sizing each other up with different motives than all their previous encounters.

"Izaya…" Shizuo finally broke the silence, still holding the raven close. "Is there something you want? Like a last wish? I mean—"

"Do you think I'm so sappy as to make up a last wish?"

Shizuo was silent then he chuckled. "I guess not."

"But since you asked. "Izaya continued as if Shizuo hadn't said anything. "I would like one thing."

"Eh?" Shizuo backed up so he could look the raven in the eye, his arms still around him. "What is it?"

"…I don't …want to die here." Izaya closed his eyes as a pained expression crossed his face. Then he opened them and looked at Shizuo with a small smile and a sad look. "Take me home, will you?"

Shizuo stared at him. "Home?"

"Mm-hm." Izaya nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a fuss about Izaya leaving. His doctor and nurse refused Shizuo, but because they legally weren't able to keep the raven there if he was able to walk out on his own two feet, they had to let him go. So, Izaya signed himself out, Shizuo helped him get on his signature v-neck and white trimmed coat with black pants. Then they walked out.

Once they were outside, Shizuo hoisted Izaya onto his back, hooking his arms under the raven's rump to keep him leveled, and began their journey.

Ikebukuro was quiet, barely any people out. Well, that was an exaggeration. There were always a lot of people out at night in a city like this. But there weren't huge groups of them, just three to a group at the most thus far. Izaya was a little disappointed that there was no big bustle. He wanted to see something entertaining at least for tonight.

After all, it was his last night.

But Izaya didn't mind too terribly. He fastened his arms around Shizuo's neck, making sure not to choke him. With a thick smile, he rubbed his head against Shizuo's.

"Ah, ah, Shizu-chan is so warm." Izaya said with a grin.

Shizuo didn't turn his head to look at Izaya. **_'_****_Am I really that warm or are you becoming cold?'_**

Shizuo's teeth clenched.

Izaya continued to smile happily, unaware of Shizuo's fear.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, the two sat on a train, heading to Shinjuku. Izaya slumped against Shizuo, leaning against his shoulder with his eyes closed. From his gentle breathing, Shizuo knew the raven had fallen asleep. He decided to let the raven sleep. Although in the back of his mind he was extremely worried that he wouldn't wake up, the blond didn't have the heart to deny Izaya sleep when he was obviously so exhausted. So, instead, Shizuo wrapped his arm around the raven so he wouldn't fall.

_"__Now Approaching: Shinjuku."_

"Ah, Izaya, that's us." Shizuo said, giving Izaya a quick shove before he went to stand.

The raven didn't stir, making Shizuo stop so he didn't fall. He turned and looked at the raven.

Shizuo felt his heart stop as he stared at Izaya's serene, calm face. He looked so peaceful. As if he had no reason to wake up.

Which caused the thought of Izaya dying in his sleep even more realistic.

"Izaya?"

The raven remained motionless.

"Izaya." Shizuo grabbed his biceps, standing up so he loomed over the raven slightly.

He gave Izaya a shake. The raven's head lulled a bit then drooped to the side.

"Hey, Izaya! IZAYA!" Shizuo shook him violently.

Izaya groaned, causing Shizuo to stop and stare. Izaya's brows furrowed then he opened his eyes a slit.

"Are we there yet?" the raven asked, sitting up and blinking a couple times. He rubbed his eyes, due to his vision being blurry. Once he could see correctly, he finally looked up at Shizuo. He cocked his an eyebrow. "Eh? Shizu-chan, why are you making that face?"

"You—don't do that, you damn flea!"

"Do what?" Izaya paused, a bit surprised that Shizuo was gripping his arms so tightly. He sat there contemplating why Shizuo looked so terrified yet relieved and at the same times angry. Then it clicked. And he grinned at that. "Did I scare you? Did you think I died?"

Shizuo just stared at him with that expression.

"Come on." Shizuo hoisted him onto his back.

Izaya stared down at Shizuo, feeling the blonde's body trembling. **_'_****_Eh? Shizu-chan?'_**

The train came to a stop.

They exited.

* * *

"Ah~" Izaya let out a relaxed sigh. "It's good to be home."

Shizuo put Izaya down on the couch.

"Are you hungry, flea?" Shizuo asked.

"Not really. Are you? You can make something if you want."

**_'_****_It's all going to be tossed out when I die anyway.'_**

"Not really—" Shizuo started only to have his growling stomach interrupt him.

Shizuo blushed.

Izaya chuckled. "Go eat. It's not like I'm going to go anywhere."

Shizuo advert, a bit embarrassed, his eyes then turned to the kitchen.

Izaya chuckled, sitting back on the couch with a relaxed sigh. Then he stood, pushing off the couch to get to his feet. He leaned against the back of the couch with a groan, low enough that Shizuo couldn't hear, then went over to the computer.

It was a slow and hard process, his feet stumbling about him as if he was drunk.

Finally, he was able to lean against his desk and managed to get around it and sit in his swivel chair. He let out a breath in relief.

He reached forward and turned on his computer. He waited for it to boot then he automatically went to the dollars website.

He scrolled through a few of the threads, and quite a few of them were about him. Three in a row were about him and two more were at the bottom about to be erased due to no one talking on it. He scrolled back up and decided to read the latest thread.

**1 Akie: 'Did you see? That black-haired guy that's always fighting with Heiwajima Shizuo got tazed.'**

**2 Kahlua Milk 'His name is Izaya and are you serious? He was tazed?'**

**3 Young Leaf Mark 'It wasn't a tazer. It was a stun gun. I was there. The guy who shot him said it was a hundred-thousand volts.'**

**4 Boryon 'WHAAATT?! 100,000! Dude, that can kill a person! O-O'**

**5 Haruko 'Did he die?'**

**6 Young Leaf Mark 'I don't know. He wasn't moving. The black bike and someone else took him to the hospital.'**

**7 Rabisan 'Has anyone seen the guy since?'**

**8 MONTA 'I haven't seen him.'**

**9 Red Carpet 'I haven't either.'**

**10 Takkii 'I saw him tonight.'**

**11 Youko 'What, really?'**

**12 Walker 'Where?'**

**13 Takkii 'Heiwajima Shizuo was carrying him on his back.'**

**14 MONTA 'WHAAAATT?'**

**15 Red Carpet 'You serious?'**

**16 Takkii 'Yeah.'**

**17 Manook 'I saw it too!'**

**18 Seema 'So did I~!'**

**19 Siri 'That's so weird.'**

**20 Boryon 'I thought they hated each other.'**

**21 Rabisan 'I thought they did too.'**

**22 Takkii 'Shizuo looked really glum.'**

**23 Manook 'Izaya was smiling though.'**

**24 MONTA 'Strange.'**

**25 Nakura 'It's not so strange.' **Izaya typed. **'****It's the black-haired guys dying wish!'**

**26 Kahlua Milk 'It's Izaya. And what do you mean dying wish?'**

**27 Nakura 'I mean what I mean. Boryon was right. 100,000 can kill a person but not immediately. His internal organs were fried to a crisp, crisp and he had a bad heart attack. He's been in the hospital till he checked out tonight.'**

**28 Walker 'How do you know this?'**

**29 MONTA 'Are you his stalker?'**

**30 Nakura 'No, I work in the hospital.' **Izaya lied.

**31 Kahlua Milk 'Why'd he check out?'**

**32 Nakura 'Well, it's simple really. He didn't want to die in a hospital. So Shizuo took him home.'**

**33 MONTA 'Eh, really?'**

**34 Walker 'I thought they hated each other.'**

**35 Seema 'Why wouldn't he want to die in a hospital?'**

**36 Boryon 'So, now his corpse is going to rot on his sofa? Gross.'**

Izaya didn't like the last comment at all.

**37 Cree-Cree 'That's so romantic.'**

**38 Kahlua Milk 'So I'm not the only one who thinks so?**

**39 MONTA 'How's that romantic?'**

**40 Kahlua Milk 'Because Shizuo was kind enough to take Izaya all the way home. So romantic!'**

**41 Cree-Cree 'Like a BL.'**

**42 Seema 'Oh, I hope Izaya thanks him.'**

**43 Siri 'Izaya should thank him. Shizuo did so much.'**

**45 Walker 'For someone he hates no less.'**

Izaya stared at the messages. **_'_****_Thank him, huh?'_**

"Izaya, where's your pasta at?"

"In the cupboard by the stove."

There was some movement in the kitchen then, a "Kay," was called out.

Izaya looked back to the computer screen. The thread had extended a bit more in the few seconds he had turned away.

**46 Akie 'So how long does this guy have?'**

**47 Kahlua Milk 'Izaya.'**

**48 Nakura 'Not long.'**

**49 Youko 'He could have already died.'**

**50 Boryon 'What if he keeled over on the train ride to his place?'**

**51 Rabisan 'Is his place far enough for them to ride a train?'**

**52 Takkii 'No clue.'**

**53 Haruko 'I would think so or we'd see more of the black-haired guy.'**

**54 Kahlua Milk 'Izaya.'**

**55 Cree-Cree 'What if he died in Shizuo's arm?'**

**56 Manook 'Oh, that's so sad!'**

**57 Nakura 'I don't think he's dead just yet.' **Izaya typed.

**58 Young Leaf Mark 'We really have no way of knowing, do we?'**

**59 Walker 'Not really.'**

**60 MONTA 'Damn.'**

**61 Young Leaf Mark 'I wanna know so bad.'**

**62 Boryon 'We'll find out on the news tomorrow or later in the week when they announce they found his lifeless body spoiled in the sunlight of a window.'**

**63 Seema 'EEEEEEEWWWWWWW! That's so gross!'**

**64 Rabisan 'Morbid, man.'**

**65 Nakura 'You have a very poetic way of writing.' **Izaya typed.

**66 Boryon 'I try. ^.^ But all seriousness, we'll most-likely find out if we watch the news for the next couple of days.'**

**67 Seema 'I hope someone finds his body before it rots. -_- that'd be so gross.'**

**68 Siri 'I wonder what kind of ceremony he'll have.'**

**69 Young Leaf Mark 'Who knows.'**

**70 Red Carpet 'I think cremation.'**

**71 Manook 'Maybe a sea burial.'**

**72 Youko 'Sea burial?'**

**73 Manook 'Yeah, where they put him in a casket, seal it, and toss him into the sea.'**

**74 Seema 'Ew, -_-'**

**75 Manook 'It's actually not that gross.'**

**76 Walker 'A lot of military personal have a burial like that.'**

**77 Cree-Cree 'Really?'**

**78 Walker 'Yeah.'**

**79 Seema 'I'm never swimming in the ocean again. T.T'**

**80 Nakura 'Haha.' **Izaya typed.

Izaya exited out. He immediately went to the chat room, finding Celty and Mikado right off the bat.

He entered.

**Kanra: Hello~!**

**Setton: hello Kanra. You haven't been on for a while.**

**Tanaka Taro: Where've you been**

** [Private Message Tanaka Taro: Are you okay, Orihara-san?]**

Izaya looked at the message then exited it out.

**Kanra: Sorry, sorry. Something came up and I had to stay off for a few weeks.**

**Setton: Are you okay?**

**Kanra: of course ^.- Hey, have you two heard the latest rumor in Ikebukuro?**

**Setton: ?**

**Tanaka Taro: Rumor?**

**[Bakyura has entered the chat room]**

**Kanra: OH, Bakyura! Hello~**

**Bakyura: So you're back, huh?**

**Kanra: Yup, yup, miss me? ^.^**

**Bakyura: Not even a little.**

**Kanra: Oh~ so cruel.**

**Tanaka Taro: Wait, Kanra what's this rumor?**

**Setton: Hello Bakyura**

**Bakyura: Hi Setton. What Rumor? Hi, Tanaka, BTW**

**Tanaka Taro: Hi**

**Kanra: So this rumor. You haven't heard? None of you?**

**Bakyura: What rumor?**

**Kanra: the one about Orihara Izaya dying.**

**Setton: EEHH?**

**Kanra: Why so surprised? It's pretty late news that he was tazed a while ago.**

**Setton: Oh no, I mean, how do you know that?**

**Kanra: I know everything of course**

**Tanaka Taro: Is this true.**

**Kanra: I believe so. He was electrocuted with 100,000 volts. His organs are squish squish crisp crisp**

** [Private Message Tanaka Taro: Is it really true, Orihara-san? You're not just playing around, are you?]**

Izaya, again, stared at the message.

** [Private Message Kanra: It's true, Mikado-kun. You were there. You know it is. ^.-]**

**Bakyura: About time he keeled over.**

**Setton: Bakyura!**

**Kanra: So cruel. You really hate Orihara-san huh?**

**Bakyura: Yup**

**Kanra: Haha ^.^**

**Bakyura: How longs he got?**

**Kanra: …I figured tonight's his last night.**

**Setton: Tonight?!**

**Kanra: Uh huh. He went home tonight.**

**Tanaka Taro: Home?**

**Setton: How? He shouldn't be able to move.**

**Kanra: How do you know that, Set-chan?**

**Setton: I mean, if his organs were fried…**

**Kanra: Haha. Maybe this'll shock you. Heiwajima Shizuo supposedly carried him home on his back.**

**Bakyura: Now you're just pulling shit out your ass.**

**Kanra: No, I'm serious. Heiwajima piggy-backed him all the way home.**

**Tanaka Taro: Really?**

**Kanra: Yup**

**Bakyura: I don't believe it.**

**Kanra: Well, when Orihara's on the news saying he died in his home you'll believe me.**

** [Private Message Tanaka Taro: Orihara-san. You're talking about your own death so casually. You're not scared? Not at all? Are you…in denial?]**

Izaya stared at it. He felt his hand tremble on the keyboard. **_'_****_Scared?'_**

** [Private Message Kanra: Not at all.]**

**Kanra: Well, I've got to go. You guys probably won't see me on the chatroom from now on. So, bye-bye bee.**

**Setton: Wait how come we won't see you?**

**[Kanra logged out]**

Izaya put his hand on his face.

**_'_****_Scared? I'm utterly terrified. I don't know where I'm going to go. Is there really such a thing as an afterlife? As heaven or hell? What's…'_**

Izaya began to tremble again.

"Izaya." Shizuo placed a plate of pasta on his desk.

Izaya looked at it through the cracks of his fingers. Then he turned around in his chair so his back was to Shizuo.

"I said I wasn't hungry."

"Hah? You should eat something. Even if it's just a little—" Shizuo turned the seat around.

Izaya looked away from him.

"Flea. Don't be stubborn."

"You can go home now."

"Haah? Like hell I'm going home!" Shizuo came around and grabbed Izaya by his shoulders and made the raven look at him. "I'm not going to—"

His words died on his lips when he saw the tears on the raven's face.

"You—"

"Go die."

"Izaya, are you—"

"Go die! Leave me alone!"

Izaya went to stand, only for his legs to give away.

"Izaya!"

Shizuo wrapped his arms around Izaya's waist. Izaya gasped, suddenly unable to breath. His eyes widened as he gasped desperately and gripped Shizuo's shoulders tightly.

"Izaya? Izaya, are you okay?"

"Shi…zu…chan…."

"What's wrong? Izaya!"

Izaya rested his head against Shizuo's chest as he took a deep breath.

"Izaya."

"…the couch…lay down…"

Shizuo stared at him then hooked his arms under the raven's knees and shoulders and raised him in his arms like a woman. Shizuo carried the raven to the couch and sat him down on it as gently as he could.

"Are you…"

"I'm fine…" Izaya huffed, clenching the couch. "Just…couldn't breathe…for a moment…"

"You sure?"

Izaya just stared at him. "Lay down with me, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo's brow rose a moment.

Then he obeyed. He flopped down against the back of the couch and wrapped his arms around the flea. He pulled Izaya against his body and gently petted his head.

"You're being very gentle, Shizu-chan." Izaya said. "I never thought you could touch me so softly."

"Shut up, flea."

Izaya chuckled. He rubbed his head into Shizuo's chest. "So warm."

"You're like a cat."

"And you're a dog."

"Hah?"

Izaya chuckled again.

"Oh, Shizu-chan."

"Hah?"

"You never answered my question."

"What question?"

"You know what. The one I asked you before I got shocked." Izaya looked up at him. "What would you do without me?"

Shizuo stared at him then held him tighter. "I…I…don't know…I…I guess I would…"

"Would what?"

"…I…I'd be lonely…"

"…Lonely…?" Izaya's eyes widened.

"Un…I…I actually…didn't hate our little banters."

"You said you did."

"I lied."

Izaya chuckled. "Do you actually like me?"

"…I think so…"

Izaya's eyes widened again. **_'_****_Eh?'_**

He looked up at Shizuo with that wide-eyed expression.

"I think I actually like you, Izaya." Shizuo repeated. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"I…I…"

Shizuo held him tighter.

"Why would I even bother to visit you if I didn't like you?"

Izaya chuckled. "So sudden and random, Shizu. What, did you realize you liked me because you saw me sick in the hospital? Or do you feel guilty and just saying its affection because you can't tell the difference?"

Shizuo didn't say anything, just squeezed Izaya a bit tighter. "Maybe…it's a mixture of both. It…is my fault that this is happening to you…"

Izaya smiled a little.

"But…even if it is like that, I don't think guilt or pity would make me lay down with you. If…it was just guilt, I would have left when you told me to."

"So…you feel _something _for me, you just don't know what it is."

"I know what it is. I like you."

"And for you to suddenly confess that, I'm sorry I can't believe that's the reason why."

"Believe what you want flea. I don't know the answer all myself right now either. All I know is that I'm not disgusted by holding you in my arms."

The smile left Izaya's face as he contemplated that. Then he tilted his head down, resting his forehead against Shizuo's chest.

"Do you…regret our relationship thus far?" Izaya asked.

"…I think so."

Izaya fell silent. **_'_****_Regret huh?'_**

"…If we could go back in time," Shizuo started, "would you…"

"Change it?" Izaya finished.

"Un."

"…I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" Izaya looked up at him with a sweet smile. "It was fun, wasn't it?"

Shizuo looked down at him as Izaya tilted his head back down and rubbed it against the blonds' chest.

"Hey," Izaya said. "You know Celty's been looking for her head, right?"

"Yeah."

"Tell her this for me. I have it."

Shizuo's eyes widened.

"I've had it for a long time. Since the first Dollars meeting."

"That…" **_'_****_That was nearly a year or two ago.'_**

"It's on the third shelf from the right, eighth shelf up behind the Haggle books."

"Why'd…you admit that?"

"Well, I had plans for it. I wanted to open her eyes but obviously, I don't have time anymore. So, I might as well give it to the person that it belongs to instead of the police getting a hold of it and trying to find a body they'll never find."

Shizuo stared down at him.

"I'm tired. Will you turn out the lights?" Izaya asked.

"U-un." Shizuo stood and turned off the lights. "Do you wanna go upstairs?"

"To my bed?"

"Un."

"No. Let's sleep down here. Come lay back down."

Shizuo obeyed.

"So, obedient. Just like a bog." Izaya chuckled.

"You sound like a Joker, the way you keep chuckling."

"It's called a Harley Quinn."

"Hah?"

"The proper term for a joker is called a Harley Quinn."

"…Okay…"

Izaya chuckled. "Clueless."

"Shut up, flea."

"You sound like a broken record. 'Shut up, flea. Shut up, flea'."

"Well, then shut up."

"But this is the first time we've ever actually talked like this."

"You said you were tired."

"I am tired." Izaya rubbed his head against Shizuo again, closing his eyes. "But I wanna talk to you."

"…Why don't you talk to me in the morning?"

"Why not now?"

"You need your rest, Izaya."

"…Shizuo. If…I die—when I die…would—will—you cry for me?"

Shizuo just stared at him. Then held him tighter.

"I don't know."

Izaya chuckled.

"Go to sleep, flea."

Izaya chuckled. "Okay. Good night."

"See you in the morning, alright?"

Shizuo held Izaya gently but firmly and closed his eyes. Izaya closed his eyes, as well, rubbing his head against Shizuo's chest before resting it on Shizuo's arm. When Shizuo felt the raven's gentle breathing, he let his consciousness fade.

When Izaya heard Shizuo's rhythmic breathing, he opened his eyes and looked up at the blond.

**_'_****_Sorry, Shizu-chan.' _**He thought, a sad smile stretching over his lips. **_'_****_I won't see you in the morning. I can feel it. I'm not going to make it till then.'_**

Izaya chuckled and pushed himself up with his feet so he was face level with Shizuo.

"Shizu-chan. I really wish you and I could have been…friends." Izaya said. "I wish you and I could have…"

Izaya clenched his teeth as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. Instead of continuing to voice his desire, he leaned forward and planted his cold lips over Shizuo's warm ones.

"Shizuo…" Izaya's voice lowered to less than a whisper as his strength left him. He could imagine his strength leaving his fingertips in streams of light. "Shizuo, I…If there's such a thing as an afterlife, I'll be waiting for you. Even if you die a hundred years from now, I'll wait for you. I'll…be waiting…"

Izaya's eyes began to close. His strength was completely gone now. He started to think he felt his heartbeat slowing.

**_'_****_Shizu-chan, I'm happy.' _**Izaya thought, having no strength to say it aloud. **_'_****_I'm happy that the last thing I get to see is you looking at me with a calm face. If only…I could have…seen you…smile…at…me…'_**

Izaya's eyes closed.


	5. Chapter 5

_"__I'll…be waiting…"_

**_'_****_Waiting…?' _**Shizuo thought.

Shizuo opened his eyes as sunlight touched his face. He inhaled deeply and stretched, keeping one arm still wrapped around the sleeping raven, and sat up. He glared at the window, unhappy that the sun was able to shine on his face—which meant it was pretty late in the afternoon if it was able to stretch over the back of the couch.

He groaned and stretched again, then looked back down at the unconscious raven.

"Izaya."

Izaya didn't stir.

"Oi, Izaya." Shizuo shook him, turning over a bit so he could hold him by his biceps—so the raven didn't roll off the couch from his movements. "Wake up."

Izaya didn't stir.

"Izaya…?"

As morning drowsiness faded, Shizuo started to realize something was wrong.

"Izaya?" he shook his again.

Izaya still didn't stir.

Shizuo grabbed Izaya by his shoulders and lifted his upper half. Izaya's head lolled back.

"Izaya! Izaya!" Shizuo shook him.

The raven remained unresponsive.

"Izaya!" Shizuo shook him harder, almost violently. "Izaya, you're not—you can't be—"

Shizuo's hands began to tremble as the raven remained unresponsive.

Slowly, the horrible truth started to set in.

And Shizuo felt unbearable guilt clog his whole body.

"Izaya, you…you…Iza…We were supposed to talk in the morning, Izaya. You said I would see you in the morning. You weren't supposed to…"

His trembling hands started to shake violently.

"I shouldn't have told you to go to sleep. We should have stayed up. We should have talked like you wanted to. I shouldn't…"

Shizuo's words died. He was unable to say anything anymore. His voice was thick with tears that finally allowed themselves to flow.

Shizuo pulled the raven to his chest. His cheeks became damp and water dripped onto Izaya's face.

"Izaya…" **_'_****_I-I wish our relationship had been different. I wish you and I could have been friends. I wish…I wish…'_**

"Izaya." Shizuo planted his warm lips over the ravens'.

Then he held him tightly, trembling as tears flowed freely. Anger, guilt, lost, and grief consumed him whole. He couldn't even comprehend anything. Why he was crying for someone he had supposedly hated. Why he was sad that the raven finally got what many would say he had deserved.

All he could understand was that Izaya was dead.

The only person that was never scared of him was dead.

The only person that could truly understand him was gone forever.

_"__I'll be waiting…" _the words flooded into his mind.


	6. Epilogue

A cold breeze ruffled the trees of an old oak. A young blond-haired youth sat under the tree, reading a book, his blue haori rising from his shoulders for a moment.

"Tsu~garu~!"

Tsugaru looked down the hill as a black-haired boy ran up the hill, a photo album pressed against his chest, his pink-trimmed white parka flowing around his legs.

"Psyche? What's up?" Tsugaru put a bookmark in his book, then closed it.

"Look, look, look!" Psyche flopped down by the blond, nearly knocking the blond over before he caught himself, and opened the album. "Look, this is my uncle Izaya!"

"Eh?" Tsugaru leaned forward and looked down at the pictures. "Wow, you look just like him."

"Right?! And look, it's you too!" Psyche pointed at a picture.

The picture was of Izaya running away from a blond-haired bartender.

"Oh, wow."

"It's Tsugaru!"

"I think that's my uncle Shizuo."

"Oh? You're actually related?"

"Yeah." Tsugaru pulled out the photo and flipped it over. "Yup, 'Orihara Izaya' and 'Heiwajima Shizuo'."

"Wow, our uncles didn't like each other, huh?"

"Not at all. At least, that's what my dad told me."

"Eh? You don't talk to your uncle?"

"No, he died a while ago."

"Eh~? Died!?"

"Yeah, before I was born."

"How?!"

"He died from a wasting disease."

"Oh! That's so sad!"

"Yeah, but he supposedly died with no regrets."

"Oh. So sad."

"What about Izaya? Don't you talk to him?" Tsugaru asked.

"No, he died too."

"How?"

"My mom said he got electrocuted."

"Oh."

"Yeah. My mom also told me that Izaya was always fighting with Shizuo-san."

"My father said the same thing."

"That's so sad." Psyche leaned against Tsugaru. "But that won't be us. We'll be friends forever, right?"

Tsugaru smiled at the raven and grabbed Psyche's hand.

"Of course."

Psyche smiled happily.

Tsugaru smiled as well.

And behind the two reincarnations, a near invisible image of an informant and bartender held hands and smiled as well.

* * *

**And done.**

**Gyaaah! So sad T.T**

**I hadn't wrote a story that makes people cry in a really long time and I missed seeing people get teary-eyed over my stories so I wrote this.**

**Tell me your reaction.**

**Also, something intriguing happened. One of my stories got deleted. On The Road-BlazBlue RagnaXTao. An anonymous reviewer stated that she was going to 'tell' the admin that all my stories were 'bad' and get them all deleted. Her reasoning was because she said I wasn't good at writing BlazBlue stories. And I'll admit I wasn't good with Hazama persay, I was still learning with him just like I learned with Inuyasha and Izaya, but I found it rude for her to go this far. Although, I am grateful that it was just my one story. Either or way, I'm not that worried about it. It's more intriguing and humorous than anything (of course I will admit it peeved me a bit). Tell me if this has happened to you, I'm curious.**

**Anyway, I made a tumblr account just for On The Road. If you wish to read it, my name is the same. Regarding reviews, just post them on my other stories or pm me, just state that for on the road, though I doubt many will read it anyway.**

**Hope to see you next time.**

**Kittycatkyla**


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